This hermit

There is this thought of impending doom inside me, but doom isn’t the right word for it. More like…. I don’t know but it’s not doom. I’ve been stuck like this for weeks, maybe months. I feel like it will never end and that my chances are becoming long gone. This isn’t where I want to be. There is no reason for me to even get up in the morning. This isn’t a suicidal speech, this is me trying to put these feelings on paper. This isn’t even a good description of how I feel though. I know I want to go to the East, but I have no idea how to get there. Sure, I have all these talents and choices but if I’m not passionate or even a little into it, it won’t happen. I just stop.

I used to be able to churn out all these projects, in record time and even several done and out all at once. That inspiration and reason for all that action and ability, I want that back. I want my unstoppable edge back. The longer it’s gone the more I lose everything else. I’m losing money, scholarships, clients, jobs, internships… etc.

I want to live my life to the fullest, instead I’m just stuck as this hermit. Nervous, anxious and scared even. I can’t even confidently walk into a public place anymore.

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